Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
