my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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