Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
