Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Barsexuality is the new black.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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