so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
