ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
