u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
