And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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