gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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