i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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