I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
