Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
