I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
