Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
