3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
