That's intense
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
