is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
