I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
