sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
