i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
