Yo dont text me then not text me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
