There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
