May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
