he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
