Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
