I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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