Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
