i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
