Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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