dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize