Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
