I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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