I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
