I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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