You really coming over, don't trick.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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