I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize