It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
