I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
