she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
