WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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