i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
