my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
