i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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