i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
