Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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