mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
