Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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