i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You made out with two different species that night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
