he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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