the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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