I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize