He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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