My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am naked and annoyed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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