He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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