saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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