I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
