peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize