my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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