just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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