Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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