My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we have officially lost it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
