I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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