Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
