You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the raccoons are back...
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