he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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