I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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