he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
