Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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