Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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