Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
