My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
