saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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