Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
