So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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