actually, I'm a sock model
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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