No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
