All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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