I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
